a pastry complexion

Journalists have been dog-earing their thesauruses of late transcribing the goings-on in the world: “dour;” “grim;” “unpleasant;” “scary;” “WTFOMG.”

But you know what’s not scary?

A smilng piece of coffee cake.

That’s right. And there’s an auction for it on eBay. Because this is America.

It seems the SanFran branch of the Barbarian Group, an interactive advertising (Read: nerdy, but lovably so) conglomerate owned in part by my old buddy Rick Webb, has collectively straightened its hunched-over-the-keyboard posture, adjusted its taped-up glasses, and is eyeballing the psychic-spiritual coffee cake market.

Starbucks unwittingly served this precious little number—they call him “Smiley”—to a Barbarian a few days ago, and for $57 + $10 shipping, it could be yours. Its eyes are made of an air bubble and a golden raisin, its smile of cinnamon. Its eBay listing reads like a loquacious fortune cookie: “An image of the universally loved Smiley has appeared before me in my Starbucks coffee cake. Surely it tastes delicious, but it is fated for guiding you, the lucky bidder, through a life of good fortune!!” Smiley will come to you swaddled in bubble wrap or packed in dry ice, though his current owner warns solicitously that, “Breakfast pastries are a crumbly breed and may not be intact upon delivery.” Indeed.

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