make sure he’s just not that into you all over again

Did your lover make you mad on V Day? Forget the chocolates? Give you drugstore chocolates? Then serve him up this delectable artery-clogger—the love child of a Monte Cristo and a Cubano—as revenge: Pork. Swiss. Turkey. Butter. Bread. Eggs. Fried.


To cop a phrase from my friend Francis, I would date this sandwich. Serve with maple syrup, because life is short. And even shorter now.

My Valentine’s Day? Oh, I had the flu. In my wooziness, I’d sort of forgotten it was V Day. So it wasn’t until I was mincing my eighth clove of garlic for sopa de ajo, eating chocolate chips straight from the bag, that I realized I’d become Bridget Jones. Not only was I flying solo on Valentine’s Day, I was eating garlic soup alone for Valentine’s Day. I may as well have had my head inside a carton of ice cream, sobbing and watching The Notebook.

But that’s cool, because today is the 15th, and I’m feeling better, unlike those people hungover from their fancy Barolos, or patting their rounder bellies after decadent desserts and—ok, ok, I’m a little jealous. That said, Netflix, I could have done without the full-color ad of roses FTD affixed to my copy of La Dolce Vita with the caption


Well, hindsight is 20/20.

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